If __ = then x is.

I am studying for the GRE to take this Friday. I have decided that I feel the Lord's leading me to go back to school for a Masters in Social Work. I have felt called to hope to learn more to one day work more effectively with oppressed women in foster care or trafficked victims.

These have all been my plans. I have done what I can to apply and to do my part. But with any application - as a Christian, we must trust and believe God's the one that paves the way. I have done all I can do on my side. So now I just anxiously await the answer from the Lord that either confirms or changes these ideas into reality or merely ideas.

I think the most frustrating part about this is something I can recognize with studying for GRE math. I enjoy math when I am able to confirm without a doubt that an answer is 100% correct. I can test algebra equations input the quantity and find out that I am, right. 

In my life - it seems apparent things aren't always as simple. I can sit here and know I've done my side of the equation and the variable x is still unknown.

If I applied for Grad School; 
If I applied for an internship with IJM;                                = x
If I study for the GRE then 

I am unsettled because the equation is not settled. I am unsettled because I am sitting here wondering what the answer is. I can't do any math to find the answer. I can't use any formula to get the answer. But I must sit and wait on him to provide me with the answer.

Psalm 27:4

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Help me Overcome my Unbelief.

Honestly,

I am asking the Lord to increase my faith. I need to believe that there's still good in this world. I think what hurts me so much about work right now is knowing this is not right. There's a distinction in us so perfectly clear that - this is not how its suppose to be. Kids aren't suppose to act like this. Kids aren't suppose to live in these systems. Sin has overtaken their lives and the devil's pleading to take them on his side. My faith is shaked because I have doubt. I want to believe that God's capable of changing people. But honestly, with these kids I have doubts. I want to give up on them. I don't want to try to love them anymore and I just want to quit and give up. They aren't going to change. They are stuck in their ways. But then I think about the way God loves us --

Exodus 15:13
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling."

Psalm 33:22
"May your unfailing love be with us, Lord even as we put our hope in you."

Isaiah 54:10
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you."

Lamentations 3:32
"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love."

God sees our grief. God has compassion on our hurting hearts. God sees us trying to love and knows we are struggling. Right now, his love is with me. And right now, we must endure. Right now- there is a reason. Right now we need to show these kids somehow that we aren't going to give up on them.

The question I have now is - can I still believe there's good in them when I don't see it? Can I still believe God loves them when I don't feel like loving them anymore? Can I be honest by saying I don't know how to love them. I don't know how to in this. I don't feel like I am strong enough.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

You hear our prayers.

You see our needs.

Nothing is too hard for our God.