Beware of Christians

Acts 2:42 "They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer."

When we allow the poor people to become our friends - the poor people's problems become our problems. Jesus was friends with the people and realized they needed it. 

You're handing your life over to God - it will be the hardest decision of your life. You are completely surrendering your life over to God.

The scariest thing is that there's millions of people around the world walking around thinking they are saved based on the fact that they said a simple prayer. 

He has overcome.

All our troubles and all our tears God our hope. He has overcome.

All our failures and all our fear. God our love. He has overcome.

All our heartache and all our pain. God our healer. He has overcome.

All our burdens and all our shame. God our freedom. He has overcome.

We are all Prostitutes

pros·ti·tute (prst-tt, -tyt)
n.
1. One who solicits and accepts payment for sex acts.
2. One who sells one's abilities, talent, or name for an unworthy purpose.
tr.v. pros·ti·tut·ed, pros·ti·tut·ing, pros·ti·tutes
1. To offer (oneself or another) for sexual hire.
2. To sell (oneself or one's talent, for example) for an unworthy purpose.


Maybe not literally speaking, but figuratively. We have all chosen to pursue or chase false 'gods' and make idols of these things we profess to love.

And what happens: "They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves." (Jeremiah 2:5)

We chase earthy things and desire them to fill voids in our souls that God is suppose to be in. We may not be the man on the street purchasing sex for our selfish desires or the person feeling worthless in this action- but we are constantly choosing to chase worthless things just as much in our daily lives.

"But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers-- would you now return to me?" declares The Lord.

Return to me. Sex won't save you. Idols won't save you. All these other objects in the world that people tell you need are nothing and in the end will make you worthless. Return to the king.

I praise God daily for being a king who gives a women dignity rather then taking it. We can run to him. We can throw off these chains that so easily enslave us and trust that he sits waiting beckoning saying, "Come to me. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I will always love you."

There is power in the Name of Jesus

God has been rocking my life lately. Breaking my heart. Opening my eyes and defining my visions.

Ever since I watched the documentary, Nefarious I have been researching so much about the problem of sex trafficking our society. This is such a huge topic and something that I know currently has been getting a lot of public recognition recently by documentaries, celebrities and even President Obama [see this recent video]. Being that I studied Anthropology in College, its especially interesting to me to see the reasons why or how Women are getting into prostitution which in America has been because of various forms of manipulation.

(Honestly I could already speak hours on this topic)

I have been just amazed recently to see the doors that God is opening for me to continue my research on this topic. This next week I will get the opportunity to volunteer with The Florida Coalition Against Human Trafficking (FCAHT) and learn more about what is occurring and can be done locally. I will also get to attend a conference next weekend in Ocala, Fl where FCAHT will speak as well as a christian ministry called Beauty From Ashes that works to restore victims and outreach to strip clubs in Fort Myers, Fl.

I am extremely passionate about learning more about what is occurring on the streets around me and raising awareness to this issue. We need to stand up and pray for these women, children and men involved. It's easy to look at these situations and turn your head because it is a 'hard' topic to understand or 'depressing' to hear. But our God is so faithful. He is so just and so mighty. He can save the prostitute, the victim, the pimps and the Johns [purchaser of sex]. I can look at it and be angry to know people in our world could be so evil and cruel but then I look to God and know he saves and loves each one of them all the same.

If you have any questions or want to hear any more of my thoughts or the direction I feel God is specifically leading me (currently) please message me anytime. I would love to talk more about what God is doing.

Our God has the power

to break every chain.

Beauty from within.

My heart is breaking within me.

I know you are stirring up something.

My heart hears these statistics and the numbers are staggering.

 It is estimated that 14,500 to 17,500 people, primarily women and children, are trafficked to the U.S. annually

Is that enough for me heart to break? This is not how our world is suppose to be. This is the evilness of the dark world raging against us and breaking us. Lord, may we break through of this bondage and recognize all the things that are in the way ultimately hindering us from where we should be. We are all broken. All men are. 

My heart desires to see these women to walk along side them. To love them. To show them Christ's compassion and his love. I long to show them how Christ views them as his beautiful precious bride despite all they feel they have done. They are cherished in this eyes. A gem. 

Kari Jobe

I know that you are for me.

Kari Jobe "You are For Me"

Freedom is here.

God is doing some crazy things in my heart lately since returning from Haiti. I have been blessed to continue to work with foster children in an environment where my main focus can be simply to love these kids the way Christ does. I have enjoyed every minute so far.

Through my experience of working with these children - I have also started learning more about the relationship between foster kids and sex trafficking. There was a statistic I heard recently that stirred my heart saying that, "about 70% precent about children who were in foster care will later be sex trafficked." This hurt me so much to know these lovely children I care for daily could end up in such a terrible situation.

Ultimately - I want to learn more. I want to seek answers and understanding for sex trafficking in our states as well as in other countries. How does it happen? How are people in it? How do they get out? And ultimately, learn about how to help to get these women out and show them how Christ values them more then they can imagine.

Watch this documentary and tell me it doesn't change your life.

Praise God for a King

who gives a women dignity instead of taking it.

Adventures in Missions: Haiti 8/5-8/10

I can't help being so amazed by God and just how awesome he is right now. I had the privilege of being about to go with Adventures in Missions to Port Au Prince, Haiti for 6 days.

Now my last mission trip was 2 months in 2008, to Zambia through The Navigators. The focus for that trip was to reach out and minister with students at the University of Zambia. Upon returning from the trip, I somewhat told myself that if I was going to do Missions again - I wanted to go longer. I was very against going somewhere for 'just a week' because I felt it wouldn't have been affective.

I look at that now - and how God must have just been laughing at my pure foolishness. Little did I know that 4 years later, he would call me to go back out of my comfort zone to Haiti for less then a week. Before going to Haiti, I still had a shallow and immature view of God and his greatness. In my mind, I had a lot of negative thoughts. Please don't misunderstand - I was so excited to go and get out of town but I questioned how much God would be able to do in such a short time and if I was capable of really coming back changed.

Once again - I'm sure God just laughed.

6 days is all it took. For nothing is impossible for God.

My heart is heavy now as I sit on my comfortable bed in Miami, Florida typing on my Macbook that easily costed 1K to purchase. I sit here comfortable with lights, AC, walls, closed windows, and no bugs. I have all the luxuries that most Americans possess. Yet I have seen the other side. I see what the poor look like. I've seen their homes and the things that they have possessed yet I have seen such great joy. 

America is full of material things that ultimately distract us from his kingdom. Haiti is considered the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere yet they are Rich in Christ.

I long to limit distractions. Get away from all that hinders me. Throw it off and run towards Christ. My dear leader on the trip said, "You are only as close to Christ right now as you choose to be." Well Lord, I desire to be Close and I choose to be. Make it happen. Don't stop breaking, stretching, remaking me until we meet in eternity.

Acts 4:20 "As for me (us), I (we) cannot help speaking about all that I have seen and heard."

Mark 10:9 "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Laminin - Louie Giglio

Grace.

"Even if I want to run, it isn't really what I want -- what I want is Him, even if I don't believe it. If he made all this existence, you would think He would know what he is doing, and you would think He could be trusted. Everything I want is just Him, to get lost in Him, to feel His love and more and more of this dazzling that He does. I wonder at His beautiful system and how it feels better than anything I could choose or invent for myself. I wonder as I gaze up at the night sky, this love letter from God to creations, this reminder that somewhere there is peace, somewhere this is order, and I think about how great His Kingdom is, and is going to be, and I wonder, in this rare and beautiful moment, how could I ver want to walk away from it all."

Donald Miller - "Through Painted Deserts"


This quote spoke wonders to me tonight. I am thankful a friend of my reminded me of this truth. How amazing is our God. How can I look around at all of creation and not see the beauty and creativity of the one who made it all? And how could I see all these things - and not desire to draw near to him?

He is worthy of all praise, glory and honor. And on a daily basis  - I give him not even half of what is owed to him but he loves me all the same.

You make all things work Together for My Good.

I sit here in complete awe of how awesome our God is.

I have decided to quit my current job as a 'Resident Caregiver' with children that have been removed from their parents. I will be talking to my boss tomorrow to give her about a 3/4 week notice.

I have been thinking about doing this for the past several months and have ultimately been going back and my forth with pros and cons. The voice that sticks in the back of my head is from my good friend Becky saying, "Do whatever you can do to get closer to Christ."

If this is pulling you from Christ - cut if off. If this is dragging you - remove it. Do whatever you can to pursue Christ alone. Cut it out. Get rid of it. Remove it. Lose it.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and 

whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:39

I think that I often have thought of this and have seen it as earthly possessions or desires. But at the very same time, I do think it can apply to anything- even a job. The job I have had has caused me to have the most draining 6 months of my life to date. I have never been more spiritually depressed, physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted then I have during this period. I have never felt alone or distant. I have never given myself so much to take care of 4 children that I may never see again.

I am glad to have stuck it out as long as I have. I know it has only been because of the grace of God. But there comes a time when you realize the season is over, and I know confidently this one has.

If you were to ask me about the past 6 months you would hear a lot. You would hear about a lot of heartache, pain, hurt, and sadness. But I have never felt so encouraged to look at the past 6 months and realize - it's all been for a reason. It has all lead me to this point where my delight is in the Lord and I can faithfully wait on him to guide me to the next phase.

"It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going." Hebrews 11:8

Is there a greater Love?

It is so easy as a Women to struggle with love.

We want to be loved. We want to be seen as beautiful and desired by a man. We want the love story. We want to have those emotions we see all over advertisement and in movies. We spend so much time wondering where the 'one' is and who the 'one' is or if he even exists.

We desire all these things and so often we put so much face value in them. We make decisions based on the person we think we are going to be with and ultimately search our hearts daily to find them or at times even to be good enough for them.

What's crazy to me is how ridiculous all this sounds. We want the greatest love story and Jesus is sitting patiently waiting for us to come to him. He's asking us to spend time with him. He is desiring us. He's pursuing us. And if that wasn't enough - he died for us. He calls me near to him and he reminds me of his feelings for me that are greater then any earthly love.

"You are altogether beautiful my darling,

beautiful in every way." Song of Songs 4:7

Isn't that what every women wants to hear? Is there a greater love then this?

No, I will not be in want.

"Twenty Three" by Enter the Worship Circle

I will not fear.

You are with me.

I will not fear.

You comfort me.

I will not fear. 

Everything on this earth is so meaningless. I spend days and days analyzing thoughts and feelings - only to fall on my knees in reverence to our holy Father. He is able to rescue the distraught, lonely, brokenhearted and give them a new song. He is able to save. He is able to break me and remake me.

I will not be in want.

You are not alone.

I am amazed by you.  In the midst of my loneliness, you are able to remind me of the friendships this to still have. You are able to remind me of those bonds that far outlast any heartache.  You have provided me opportunities to see 5 people within the next week. Beat that Satan. Whisper in my ear and say I am alone again.  But I won't be able to hear you because I will be sitting at the feat of my Savior as he says, "You are beautiful. You are lovely. You are mine."

Take it in Now. Eat and Repeat

This is how I see myself today. As an apostle of the Lord crying out, “Show me how to increase my faith!”

Questions come to my mind continually. I never seem to be without at least 5 questions on a daily basis. I don’t know if enough of the holy spirit in me will ever make that go away completely. But I do know that, I will always have questions. Life is confusing and at times we just don’t understand why things don’t work. We don’t understand why. We just can’t rationalize it or understand in our small minds what the point is.

The more questions I have the more I realize just how little I know. But does God call me to know everything? Is that apart of his will - with promises to speak in a audible voice with clear descriptions.

No, no. No.

But he says “increase your faith!” increase. INCREASE! Believe me. Trust me. Follow me. Surrender your life to me. Surrender your day to me. Surrender your questions.

I may never know what lies ahead in my future. I know that for sure nothing is certain. My only certainty is that through every turmoil and hard time. Christ the King of kings. Christ the Lord of Lords. Christ creator - is with me. 

He is with me. He is with me.

Repeat.

He is with me.

Repeat.

He is with me.

Verses:
* Luke 17:5-10

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:7

If it is love- then love never gives up. It fights. It's continually hopeful as it endures every obstacle or circumstance. It proceeds down the road as it goes on that "bear" hunt. 

It looks around and may become afraid for a minute. As a young child sees something and quickly becomes afraid. She forgets the hand that gently holds her. She looks up and remembers she isn't alone. She smiles at him. He points out things around her and the beauty he has created for her enjoyment because he loves her. He takes her on a journey through hot deserts, lonely places and grassy fields. He never lets go of her hand. And as she clenches his hand tightly someone approaches. She looks up at her daddy and becomes timid and afraid. He quiets her and assures her, "it's okay." Her father allows this boy to come and now take her hand. The boy looks at her and they begin to walk together with their father. She loves him and he loves her. Their father, their creator is overjoyed of their presence together. He is glorified through them together as together they now praise his creation. They become excited by the smell of the flowers. They grab hold of petals and embrace the beauty. They look for others near them and bring them along their journey. They share their story with others and promise that although the journey is hard and long - they always have a hand firmly grasping theirs.

Devotion.

Trust me in every detail of your life. Nothing is random in My kingdom. Everything that happens fits into a pattern for good, to those who love me. Instead of trying to analyze the intricacies of the pattern, focus your energy on trusting Me and thanking Me at all times. Nothing is wasted when you walk close to Me. Even your mistakes and sins can be recycled into something good, through My transforming grace.

5 months ago

5 Months ago.

I wrote a letter to myself to encourage myself of where I wanted to see myself after my term in AmeriCorps NCCC ended. I wrote to remind myself of all the skills I had learned and all the experiences I had. I wrote to remind myself that I should not look back on anything I had done or didn't do in regret - but Praise God for the experience I had. I wrote to recognize that all things that occurred were orchestrated by him alone.

God was with you and although at times you slipped – you are human and he still is completely in love with you. He still loves you and longs for you because you are his daughter. And he is proud of the places you have came and the places you are going today.

Words I wrote in this letter to my 'future' self that bring more comfort to me today then I would have ever realized. God is with me. Immanuel. He is with us. I may feel weak or deep in sin or alone. But God is never turning his back on us. He holds us close and calls us his beloved, his dearly loved, his daughter.

Oh Love that Will Not Let me Go.

I continue to be overwhelmed with the grace and mercy that God lavishes over us when we are so undeserving. We cling to these things that are just going to keep hurting us while he waits for us to recognize him.

At times I am reminded of this because of the children we live with here. Many of these children simply want to be back with their parents. They will cry for them and long for them blind to the fact that the way these parents have treated them is what has lead them to be living with us. They don't see that. All they see is their parents whom they love and long for. In a small sense, this is just like every Christian in their faith. We long for things because on the outside they look and appear to be good. They seem to be what is best for us. We fight and we scream because we want these things. Yet, God knows ultimately what's best for us. As a resident caregiver, I see many children that don't see how right now this is where God has them. They want to go home and may hate everything about living with us. But right now - this is what is better for them. God knows what they need and right now they are safe here.

Is there anything better then that?

"I know."

I had a interesting realization today as a result of recent events. As you know, all of the children that I work with are ones removed from their homes and temporarily placed here until they can have reunification with their parents on be placed in foster families permanently.

In the past four days, four boys have left our facility. This week two of my very own girls that I have grown to love and care for over the past month are most likely leaving. As I begin to the pack their things, I realize that was scares me the most about this is knowing I can't take care of them anymore.

For the past month, I have been the one that has helped bathe, feed, clean, change and take care of them. I have fixed their cuts and bruises and held them when they were scared from a bad dream. And soon - I will no longer be the person to do this. I realize part of my fear is wondering if they will be okay and really having no way of knowing.

The question came to me: How much do I really trust my Lord?

How often is this the same as my walk with the Lord? I go in different directions and may have no way of knowing where he is leading. I become afraid because I want the control. I want to be the one to take care of myself or in this case, my girls. I want to hold them and I want to fix them. And if its not me- how am I to know that is it being done? God walks along side me and holds my hand and whispers to me, "I know." Not only does he love us as his children he chose to send his Son to die for my life. What greater love is there then this? The amount I could love these children and how great it feels is nothing compared to the depth and width the love my Father has for them.

I realized today that I have no control over their lives. I have no will or say in the direction their lives take. All I can do is trust and pray that God is with them. I can just pray that from the quick glimpse and time they have spent around me they would see the love of Christ. I pray that even if abuse continues they would be comforted in knowing that the creator of all the universe loves them and knit them perfectly. This is all I can do.

Ezekiel 3: 14

The Spirit lifted me up and took me away. I went with bitterness and turmoil,

but the Lord's hold on me was strong.

Obedience

I have been challenged in new ways these past few days with getting a 2 year old to listen and do what I say. I have tried different methods of communicating and at often times she will not listen to anything I say. She will take all the paper of a toilet roll, try to flush a wash cloth, pour water all over the floor. She will ask for help only to decide she wants to do it on her own and will cry when I do it because she doesn't understand that I know what's best for her.

What a example of our relationships with our creator! How often do I run from God and decide "hey this is a good idea let me flush a wash cloth?" God calmly pulls me back and tells me no. Yet I continue to run from his presence thinking, "I'm an adult. I know what I am doing." But how often are we in reality just acting like a two year old in our relationship with him.

I had this realization recently as I tried to hold Amaya and watch a movie with her. She wanted to go and sit on the bed with Tessa and Jessie but when she did she would bite them. As a form of punishment, I told her she would sit in my lap and watch the movie until she could behave in the bed with them. She tried to run from me to be in her room by herself instead of watching the movie in my lap. What a clear picture of Christ. God tells us, come here let me hold you and I will keep you safe. I will calm you down. Here let's watch this movie together. I want to hold you in my arms. Yet, like the child we are - We are afraid and run away and choose a room full of darkness rather then enjoying the presence of God with us.

I pray for Amaya daily that she will learn to trust me. I pray she will learn that I care for her and I will keep her safe. I praise God for every small act of obedience that she does and the few moments of the day that she learns I care for her. I pray to God that he would keep me calm and teach me patience in how to love her every moment even as she screams and runs from me.

One Week with Children as Their "Mommy"

Today is Tuesday. I moved in last Tuesday. So aside from the past weekend off, I have been here for a week. I am amazed at how time has gone by so quickly already. I have been overwhelmed and overcome with all sorts of emotions and I think the first few days I even forgot to eat.

But now that I have a moment to reflect, I can look back on this interesting and unique position I have been blessed with. I live with three children. I do all the things that a parent would do for them. I cook breakfast for them each day, clean them, dress them, wash their clothes, hug them when they cry and many more little things that have become to feel normal. Yet of course, these children aren't my own but currently they are. They are filling a void in my heart and giving me a sense of responsibility. I need to be back each day to pick them up from daycare. I need to wake up in the middle of the night to soothe them when they cry. But most of all, I pray that God will continue to show me how to love them as if they were my own. I pray that I would learn to love them earnestly and without ceasing in the midst of all their disobedience as Christ continues to love me.

I don't know what God is doing yet as this journey has just begun. But I am excited for the experience and to see the beauty of what God did for us in a whole new way.

"God decided in advance to adopt us

into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.

This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."

Ephesians 1:5 (NLT)

Two Weeks

In a little more then two weeks, my life will be flipped upside down.

About two weeks ago now, I had an interview as a Residential Caregiver for a organization where I would be the primary caregiver of four children that were removed from their families based on sexual, emotional, physical abuse or child neglect.

These children are then put into this facility while they hopefully await the parents conversion and ultimately being hopefully reunited with their family in a better home. Some of these children's parents are deemed by the judge as unfit parents which then they are put into the foster system.

God opened my eyes to this system that I had never known anything about. I knew that I love children and love any experience I have had working with them. But this is just a whole different ballpark. But when I think about what a valuable experience this would be for me to love those that God loves endlessly as their parent should. There is nothing more rewarding or valuable then that.

So with that, this week I will step out with my faith in Christ. I will put in my two weeks with my current employer and trust that this is God's direction for my next step right now. I will take a step of faith and walk into an area filled with broken children and seek to love them everyday.

"People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them,

but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant.

He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,

for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Mark 10:13-14

Without You

"If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go"

- Without You by Shane & Shane

This has been my prayer the past few days as I try to determine God's will for the next stage of my life. My mind is constantly swirling on where I can best serve God. I am torn between options that don't exist or ones that seem to becoming more available.

I can decide something on impulse and decide that because of the situation that's where God wants me. But this decision takes time and I know I must give it to God and wait for him to speak to me. So here goes.

Psalm 68

This is who God is:

• a father of the fatherless
• a defender of the widows
• a leader who leads prisoners with singing
• a provider for the poor
• a God who daily bears our burdens
• a God who saves

and so very much more.

"You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary;

the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.

Praise, be to God!" - Psalm 68: 35

Take Heart

You really love me and you really are for me.

Finally I believe it. Finally I see it.

"Take Heart" - Hillsong United

Repair the Brokenness

"Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."

Isaiah 58:12