"I know."

I had a interesting realization today as a result of recent events. As you know, all of the children that I work with are ones removed from their homes and temporarily placed here until they can have reunification with their parents on be placed in foster families permanently.

In the past four days, four boys have left our facility. This week two of my very own girls that I have grown to love and care for over the past month are most likely leaving. As I begin to the pack their things, I realize that was scares me the most about this is knowing I can't take care of them anymore.

For the past month, I have been the one that has helped bathe, feed, clean, change and take care of them. I have fixed their cuts and bruises and held them when they were scared from a bad dream. And soon - I will no longer be the person to do this. I realize part of my fear is wondering if they will be okay and really having no way of knowing.

The question came to me: How much do I really trust my Lord?

How often is this the same as my walk with the Lord? I go in different directions and may have no way of knowing where he is leading. I become afraid because I want the control. I want to be the one to take care of myself or in this case, my girls. I want to hold them and I want to fix them. And if its not me- how am I to know that is it being done? God walks along side me and holds my hand and whispers to me, "I know." Not only does he love us as his children he chose to send his Son to die for my life. What greater love is there then this? The amount I could love these children and how great it feels is nothing compared to the depth and width the love my Father has for them.

I realized today that I have no control over their lives. I have no will or say in the direction their lives take. All I can do is trust and pray that God is with them. I can just pray that from the quick glimpse and time they have spent around me they would see the love of Christ. I pray that even if abuse continues they would be comforted in knowing that the creator of all the universe loves them and knit them perfectly. This is all I can do.

Ezekiel 3: 14

The Spirit lifted me up and took me away. I went with bitterness and turmoil,

but the Lord's hold on me was strong.