Good News about Injustice.

Gary Haugen writes: "Alone in the waves, I had lost perspective. Things were not as they appeared. The water felt infinitely deeper than it was. I had no idea of the sturdy ground that was actually well within reach. I felt helpless, lost and overwhelmed. And as long as I felt that way, I possessed neither the power nor the presence of mind to stand amid the waves" (Haugen, 2009, p. 74).


David Bosch: "We hope because of what we have already experienced. Christian hope is both possession and yearning, repose and activity, arrival and being on the way. Since God's victory is certain believers can work both patiently and enthusiastically, blending careful planning with urgent obedience, motivated by the patient impatience of the Christian hope" (Haugen, 2009, p. 76). 

Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

    And what does the Lord require of you? 

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

Love Better

All that we worry about is stupid.
All that we care about is stupid.

What really matters in this world? Whether someone makes us feel 'cared for'? Whether or not we get the next big promotion at our job?

I believe the opposite of all of this is really what matters. How can I glorify the Lord better? How can I serve the Lord better? Is it even possible? Can I even change?

The answers to some of these questions are hard. This is because we are broken and full of sin. We can't completely change and ignore this questions because our life is daily surrounded by these decision of trying to decide which is better and what is best.

But at the same time --- in the grand scheme of things. How much do our own feelings matter? How much does it really matter whether or not we like our job? How much does it matter if people make us feel unloved? How much does it matter if we don't know what the next 5 years of our life will look like?

Yet I believe we are called to live differently. I believe we are called not to be so concerned with the mundane things of this world but continually remind ourselves of the truth that is in Christ Jesus. He is all we need, really. He is it. No one else. Everything else can't even stand up next to him or appear significant in comparison to his significance.

I pray I can continue to remember my own selfishness when I worry or get upset about how other people "make me feel" or how they "treat" me. I pray I would be overcome with grace and the willingness to love them anyways -- because heck, Christ loves me anyway.

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this: 

to lay down one's life for one's friends. 

Open Your Eyes

Open you eyes.

And recognize the beauty of being 

able to open your eyes.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness.

I believe that forgiveness is one of the greatest, hardest, rewarding, challenging, and special things we can ever experience, offer or recieve. I am in a moment where my heart is hard and I lack the idea of wanting to forgive. I want to stay upset because I feel I have the deserved right to be upset. 

I do not want to forgive.

Yet, what if Jesus felt the same thing about us?

Yeah - Gaby even if you make people laugh and even if you like children - that's not enough. I just don't see a good enough reason to forgive you right now. I don't see a good enough reason to extend you grace.

But he does anyway. That's the beauty of the whole story - he does forgive. He does extend grace. He does love. He never goes anywhere. His heart never becomes hardened to loving us. He sees us in our misery in our manmade puddle of sin and he forgives us. He picks us up and walks us out of it.

If anyone has a right to hold a grudge. If anyone has a right to continue to be upset. If anyone has right to never forgive - he does. But he does the opposite. He sees everywhere that I have ever turned away against him but he continues to love me anyways. 

So because of this, I have to forgive. I have no reason to hold a grudge. I have no reason that forgiveness was offered to me even when I was 'undeserving' of it but he gave it to me anyway. So isn't this what we are called to do -- extend the same grace to people who wrong us as well? Offer them a chance to experience forgiveness and the overwhelming knowledge that God loved you enough to do the same any more.

This doesn't happen over night for me. I know what I need to do. I know who I need to forgive. But it is still a challenge. I pray that my heart will be gripped by the reality that I have nothing to hold onto. I am no less deserving to be forgiven as this person is to receive forgiveness.

Psalm 25:11

For the sake of your name, Lord,

 forgive my own iniquity, though it is great.

Matthew 26:28

This is my blood of the covenant, 

which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

One Day in the Life of America's Children

One Day in the Life of America's Children

1 mother dies in childbirth
4 children are killed by abuse or neglect
5 children or teens commit suicide
8 children or teens are killed by guns
77 babies die before their first birthday
177 children are arrested for violent crimes
375 children are arrested for drug abuse
390 babies are born to mothers who received late or no prenatal care
860 babies are born at low birth weight
1,186 babies are born to teen mothers
1,900 public school students are corporally punished
2,076 babies are born without health insurance
2,341 babies are born to mothers who are not high school graduates
2,385 babies are born into poverty
2,482 children are confirmed abused or neglected
2,756 high school students drop out
3,742 babies are born to unmarried mothers
4,262 children are arrested
16,964 public school students are suspended

He WILL wipe every tear from Their Eyes.

Today I made a seventh grade boy named R.

This boy came into my supervisor's office crying. My supervisor stepped out for a minute and I had this moment of just trying to ask R what was wrong. The boy opened up to me. He told me that his father recently went to jail after beating his mother. R told me that he watched it happen. He tells me this with tears in his eyes. I sit there and feel helpless. I have never witnessed what he has. I have no wisdom or insight. I can see his anger though because something in him knows, that this isn't right. He is not okay with what was done to his mother. He is not okay with what his father did. 

He does not want to be like his father. 

The way that this all happened and was brought to my attention was through a teacher making a comment to R saying, "You don't hit women" after he bumped into a girl in his class. It was clear that R was angry because hitting women is the last thing he wants anyone to do. But is something he saw his own father do.

How does a seventh grader deal with this type of trauma? How does he cope with having to be the oldest sibling of his family and dealing with this? How does he protect his mother? How does he have any sort of life that a 'normal' seventh grader should have? This is normal.

I dont understand.

I dont understand.

I dont understand.

I am angry for him. I am sad for him. But I am also happy that he is able to clearly see that this is wrong. I am happy that he doesn't want to grow up to beat women and disrespect them despite what his father has shown to him. But at the same time, I feel so broken for him. At the same time, I don't know how to fix him. I don't know how to help him. 

I know I can't help him. 

So I am left to be down on my knees, in tears. I am left to cry out to the only God who is capable to heal this boy. I am left to cry out to the only God who sees him and knows him. I am left to just continue on and hoping that if anyway possible I can be used positively in this boy's life. But even if I am not used - I will never forget his story that he told me through tears. He will be in my prayers. I will trust that the Lord holds this boy in the palm of his hands. I will trust that the God of the universe created this boy and loves him. His earthly father has failed him - miserably. But our God is sovereign and I will pray that one day he will be healed and realize there is a father that will never fail him. 

Revelation 21:4

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. 

There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, 

for the old order of things has passed away.”

It is GOOD, to be near God.

There are times when it seems like the Devil is winning.

These are the times when it seems like wicked things are taking over the world. There appears to be no justice. The wicked seem healthy and strong. They are becoming prideful with their actions and enjoy to speak with malice. They are content with covering themselves in acts of violence. 

On this earth - it often can appear that their is no penalty for the wicked.

But this is the view until we look to Christ. This is where it ends. The wicked can try to rule all they want on earth. But our God is sovereign over it all. Ultimately the wicked will perish. "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things." (Philippians 3:19) Therefore, they will not prosper forever.

They will not get to dwell with the Most High God. 

Psalm 73: 23 

"Yet I am always with you; 

you hold me by my right hand."

I can see wickedness all around me. I will never like it. I will never be okay with seeing children suffer, families broken, or lives ruined as the result of sin. But I can trust in the Most High God that he will never fail me. He will remain and he will hold my hand even as my heart hurts. He will continue to love.

Psalm 73: 25-26

"Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but My God

is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

There is nothing in heaven besides the Lord. There is nothing good on earth besides the Lord. Our strength and the whole course of our being is because of him. There is nothing on this earth that should ever mean more then that. We can fail daily at trying to live for this world, chances are we will fail daily. But the God of the Most High is holding our hand and continues to love us even as we continue to sin. All I can do is desire him more. 

"But as for me, it is GOOD to be near God." Psalm 73:28

You are Good.

God really loves us.

If you aren't sure or feel like you are questioning God's provision here my story:

At some point upon arrival in New Orleans, La  - I was bit by something that grew into a very large infection on my thigh. I kept ignoring it and fighting the consistent pain I was feeling. I was project leading my first project with Adventures in Missions and I felt like anything that hindered my ability to serve - was a direct attack of Satan. So I ignored it. I became increasingly stubborn even though I was in pain. I ignored the help of others or advice of friends to see a doctor.

For three days - I tried to put on a happy face and continue on.

Finally, I fell on my knees crying before the Lord. I broke down. I recognized this pain was more then I could take. I didn't like it but I had to accept I had no control over it. I had to accept that I needed help. I needed to get help which meant going to the doctor even if, I was terrified of it.

So Monday night while everyone else in my group was off worshiping and having our first day of ministry debrief I went to Urgent Care. I was frustrated at my own inability to fix myself and my lack of control in the situation.

I cashed in $140 dollars to pay to just see the doctor as a walk in. This wasn't anything by any means that I was okay with. It was a huge sum of money to me and I knew it would just increase as the procedure began.

The doctor proceeded to tell me my leg was severely infected and that he would have to slice it open. To this day - I don't think I have ever experience as much pain as I felt in that moment. I was visibly broken, hyperventilating and crying for the next hour for the amount of pain I was in. 

When I went to leave, still hurting but fighting. I received a piece of paper with my prescription that was a receipt of my credit card transaction that said: "Authorization Voided of $140.00." I was really confused. We began to question the doctor about what we needed to pay. He simply said, "You are Good. Just keep on doing what you are doing. You are Good."

I became overwhelmed with tears and gratitude to how the Lord provided for me and reminded me of his love in the hardest of circumstances. I was in pain and shaken - but he was present. He was constant and he provided through the kindness of a stranger. He reminded me that he cares for me. He loves me. He really loves me and even as I break down and it hurts, he provides and makes all things work together for his good.

I was visibly broken in front of a whole team of 110 high schoolers from Houston, Texas. They were able to see me weak and vulnerable - I was visibly broken. But in that weakness, Christ powers rested on me and his presence stayed with me and he made me strong.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

The beauty in this - is that the story isn't over. The story continues and the reminder of his presence overwhelms me. I have this testimony of his grace and faithfulness that reminds me, even when I am weak I am strong in him. I have done nothing to deserve his love. I am not worthy of it. I have done nothing to be able to earn his forgiveness or mercy. But he looks at me in the middle of court room - when I have debts to pay and says the same thing as the doctor did in New Orleans, "You are good." And let's me off because of his great love and relentless mercy and I am left forever changed. 

Don't you know - that is how he loves us. You are good. You are forgiven. Your debt has been paid in full. Live in it and walk. 

Did you know that you were Rescued?

Here's some encouragement for the day:

Psalm 18 states several different facts about the Lord and his presence & power such as:
- he is present in our trials
- he is present in our distress
- he is with us when we face our adversaries

But if it wasn't enough that he is present he is not only present but he is mighty and powerful. The mere presence of his light causes the clouds to move:

v. 12 "Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, 

with hailstones and bolts of lighting."

So we have this great & mighty God that is not only extremely powerful but is WITH us. He is with us - and he rescues us:

v. 16 "He reached down from on high and took hold on me, 

he drew me out of deep waters."

So at the point of our first rescue, maybe at the point when we became a Christian - God saw us as broken and reached down to save us. But I believe that this wasn't a one time process but this was a repeated thing that happens even now. I think God continually sees us drowning or standing in deep water and because he's present and loving --- he continues to save us.

But the beauty in all of this is not only that he does it but that he delights in doing it :

v. 19b "He rescued me because he delighted in me."

That's it. There was nothing we ever did - to be able to earn or receive his rescue. It was by nothing that we did that we labeled as good or he saw as good. It was simply because he delighted in us. He saw us shaking, broken, in our sin and delighted in who we were even in that moment.

We have a mighty and powerful God that is worthy of our admiration, worship and sacrifice. We have a mighty God who makes mountains tremble and clouds move. But at the same time, he is personal and he is loving. And with that, he delights in knowing us. He delights in being able to rescue us. I can't think of anything more worthy to praise.

My Grace is sufficient for you.

Remember Grace.

In all things. Remember the only reason we are able to even grasp a touch or relation with him is because the grace he has lavished on us. It is only through this and the sacrifice of his son on the cross for our brokenness that we can be healed. 

So then for me to live as I am broken and God is not capable of forgiving me is to live as if I am spitting in Jesus' face saying, "what you did isn't enough to save me."

May we live in such a way that we praise God with every breathe of life we have been given and know it was only by his grace that we are where we are -- int he first place. 

Beautiful in every way

This is what the Lord - God the Creator of heaven and earth
and everything living in it has to say about you:

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, 

beautiful in every way. " Song of Songs 4:7

Regardless what people say,

Regardless of whatever people think.

there is no flaw in you.

Don't listen to what others say about you. Don't listen to what Satan tries to say about you. This is how I see you. This is how our creator sees each of us. He gives us dignity. He gives us value and ultimately our identity is rooted in him. My prayer is that I can be so strong in knowing this that nothing negative anyone has to say about me will ever break me down. I will be rooted in his love instead.

Praise God for a King

who gives women dignity

instead of taking it.

Be My Everything.

If you are everything.
then I have everything.

If I have everything
then I don't need anything.

This means : If you are everything then my decisions don't really matter.
 - It doesn't matter if I do Grad School or not because you are still present.
 - It doesn't matter if I quit my job or not because you are still present.
 - It doesn't matter if I move out of Tampa or not because you are still present.

None of my decisions then really matter. They hold no weight because if I really trust and believe you have everything then you will also then effectively provide everything. If I seek clarity, you will provide it. If I seek direction, you will provide it. If I seek community, you will provide it.

So then:

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness
and all these things...
will be given to you as well.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow
for tomorrow will worry about itself."
                Matthew 6:33-34

But what should I do instead of worrying? The answer is this fix your eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith. Seek his kingdom. His righteousness. His peace. His provision. His guidance. His knowledge so that then I can become like Paul and confidently say, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in whatever the circumstances." Philippians 4:11

Jesus had Lice too.

I believe nothing can break a women down so quickly
as finding out she has lice in her hair.

This was my experience Sunday night as I discovered a few bugs in my hair. I freaked out. I ultimately felt gross, dirty and ugly. I wanted to cry as I raced to the store to buy lice shampoo and began a process of picking it out until 2am that night. I couldn't do it all. I was so frustrated that everything that was good about that day went down the drain and was forgotten. I had one focus that I became consumed by. I had one goal.

The next day, my roommate offered to help pick the bugs out of my hair. At first, I was reluctant. I felt dirty and I wanted to hide in my bathroom and have no one see the problem. But from my experience picking lice out of children's hair - it is the fastest method. I didn't want to have her help me. But I realized I couldn't do it on my own.

She proceeded to help pick lice out of my hair for hours without ceasing. I sat on the floor in front of her from 10:30pm-5am on Monday night letting her pick through my hair with my fingers. I hated it. I hated it that I had this problem. I hated it that it was out of my control and I probably most of all hated that I had to rely on someone else to help me fix it. 

I began to hear the Lord reminding me of his sweet love and promises through this process. On the outside I felt broken and wasted. I felt like a plague that no one would want to be around. But I heard Jesus say, 

"Gaby, you are still beautiful. 
You are mine. I care for you even in this moment."

Is there anything more that I need besides knowing that? The Lord of all creation loves me and cares for me. He is present. He knows how this has broken my spirit in many ways but he is using it for the good. The thief comes to steal kill and destroy but my God came to give life to the fullest. (John 10:10)
This is not to harm me but to teach me. 

In this moment, he is reminding me of my identity in him. He is reminding me of my worth in him. He is showing me it is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to come to someone and have to rely on them simply because there is no other way. My roommate acted no less then what Jesus himself would have done there with me. We would have sat side by side working together to get myself rid of these creatures. But with the whole experience, I cling to the fact that my God loves me. He allowed this to happen not to break me but to strengthen me. Now I cling to the testimony of God's grace even in this.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for 

good to accomplish what is not being done, the saving of many lives. " Genesis 50:20

If __ = then x is.

I am studying for the GRE to take this Friday. I have decided that I feel the Lord's leading me to go back to school for a Masters in Social Work. I have felt called to hope to learn more to one day work more effectively with oppressed women in foster care or trafficked victims.

These have all been my plans. I have done what I can to apply and to do my part. But with any application - as a Christian, we must trust and believe God's the one that paves the way. I have done all I can do on my side. So now I just anxiously await the answer from the Lord that either confirms or changes these ideas into reality or merely ideas.

I think the most frustrating part about this is something I can recognize with studying for GRE math. I enjoy math when I am able to confirm without a doubt that an answer is 100% correct. I can test algebra equations input the quantity and find out that I am, right. 

In my life - it seems apparent things aren't always as simple. I can sit here and know I've done my side of the equation and the variable x is still unknown.

If I applied for Grad School; 
If I applied for an internship with IJM;                                = x
If I study for the GRE then 

I am unsettled because the equation is not settled. I am unsettled because I am sitting here wondering what the answer is. I can't do any math to find the answer. I can't use any formula to get the answer. But I must sit and wait on him to provide me with the answer.

Psalm 27:4

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Help me Overcome my Unbelief.

Honestly,

I am asking the Lord to increase my faith. I need to believe that there's still good in this world. I think what hurts me so much about work right now is knowing this is not right. There's a distinction in us so perfectly clear that - this is not how its suppose to be. Kids aren't suppose to act like this. Kids aren't suppose to live in these systems. Sin has overtaken their lives and the devil's pleading to take them on his side. My faith is shaked because I have doubt. I want to believe that God's capable of changing people. But honestly, with these kids I have doubts. I want to give up on them. I don't want to try to love them anymore and I just want to quit and give up. They aren't going to change. They are stuck in their ways. But then I think about the way God loves us --

Exodus 15:13
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling."

Psalm 33:22
"May your unfailing love be with us, Lord even as we put our hope in you."

Isaiah 54:10
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you."

Lamentations 3:32
"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love."

God sees our grief. God has compassion on our hurting hearts. God sees us trying to love and knows we are struggling. Right now, his love is with me. And right now, we must endure. Right now- there is a reason. Right now we need to show these kids somehow that we aren't going to give up on them.

The question I have now is - can I still believe there's good in them when I don't see it? Can I still believe God loves them when I don't feel like loving them anymore? Can I be honest by saying I don't know how to love them. I don't know how to in this. I don't feel like I am strong enough.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

You hear our prayers.

You see our needs.

Nothing is too hard for our God.

Statement of Faith

My story has been a journey through many trials, as I know many of us undergo. But the foundation, of which I grew up, was solid and firmly rooted in Christ Jesus. My parents had my sister and I attend a private Christian school for all of elementary school. They saw the importance of having us learn the way of the Christian faith while we were young and hoped that we would grow up to be followers of Christ.

            I believe in the period as a small child I didn’t completely understand everything about what “accepting Christ to your heart” meant. But I knew that I wanted it. I had a passion to accept Christ and repeatedly prayed the prayer wanting to make sure it really stuck and that he was really in my heart.

            After elementary school, my family moved my sister and I into public schools, which proved to be a challenge and a whole different learning experience for us. But at the same period, we also changed churches and got heavily involved with a local Presbyterian church that had a phenomenal youth group. I relished the experience and jumped right in with both feet anxious to learn more about what this Christian business was really about. I made new friends and had a whole new community. It was in this setting I feel like I started to learn more about what it mean to be a follower of Christ. The process of learning continued but I now started to realize I had a community I could bring my questions to and people that could hold me accountable.

            The journey continued into high school where things got a little bit more complicated with the distraction of men and relationships with them. I spent a lot of time seeing my identity in these relationships and my identity in Christ as two separate things. I felt that I could be a Christian but still date and be with whomever I wanted as long as I abstained from sex, drugs and alcohol. The faith started to become a set of rules and I felt legalist in that as long as I was following the guidelines everything else would be okay.

            Everything changed when I entered college, within the first few days on campus at the University of South Florida I met a women named Jenny, who was on staff at the time with Navigators campus ministry. She invested in me and helping me grow in my relationship with Christ. She became my mentor quickly and really taught me more about what this ‘walk’ was all about. She showed me how to study scripture and how the time I spent in the word didn’t have to be just on Sunday mornings with others but could be  -- anytime! This amazed me. I found a new excitement in the scripture reading stories I read as a child with new interest. I started to learn what it meant to have a personal relationship with Christ and that it could be a daily thing. Not just a set of rules to follow.

            Since then, I have continued to see Christ present in all that I am doing. There are times that are hard and I know that the only way I could get through all the hurt and the pain is because Christ the king has redeemed me and calls me by name. He has pursued my heart as a young child and fought tirelessly to show me how he delights in me. I still struggle at times with trying to recognize that my identity is in him and that I am not here to please man. But God is faithful and he will not give me more then I can handle and if I am challenged he will provide people and the necessary steps for me to face the day. I know this because he’s proved in the past and in my story through saving my through many hardships that could have occurred in my life and protecting my heart. He has proven to be faithful to the end.