You are Good.

God really loves us.

If you aren't sure or feel like you are questioning God's provision here my story:

At some point upon arrival in New Orleans, La  - I was bit by something that grew into a very large infection on my thigh. I kept ignoring it and fighting the consistent pain I was feeling. I was project leading my first project with Adventures in Missions and I felt like anything that hindered my ability to serve - was a direct attack of Satan. So I ignored it. I became increasingly stubborn even though I was in pain. I ignored the help of others or advice of friends to see a doctor.

For three days - I tried to put on a happy face and continue on.

Finally, I fell on my knees crying before the Lord. I broke down. I recognized this pain was more then I could take. I didn't like it but I had to accept I had no control over it. I had to accept that I needed help. I needed to get help which meant going to the doctor even if, I was terrified of it.

So Monday night while everyone else in my group was off worshiping and having our first day of ministry debrief I went to Urgent Care. I was frustrated at my own inability to fix myself and my lack of control in the situation.

I cashed in $140 dollars to pay to just see the doctor as a walk in. This wasn't anything by any means that I was okay with. It was a huge sum of money to me and I knew it would just increase as the procedure began.

The doctor proceeded to tell me my leg was severely infected and that he would have to slice it open. To this day - I don't think I have ever experience as much pain as I felt in that moment. I was visibly broken, hyperventilating and crying for the next hour for the amount of pain I was in. 

When I went to leave, still hurting but fighting. I received a piece of paper with my prescription that was a receipt of my credit card transaction that said: "Authorization Voided of $140.00." I was really confused. We began to question the doctor about what we needed to pay. He simply said, "You are Good. Just keep on doing what you are doing. You are Good."

I became overwhelmed with tears and gratitude to how the Lord provided for me and reminded me of his love in the hardest of circumstances. I was in pain and shaken - but he was present. He was constant and he provided through the kindness of a stranger. He reminded me that he cares for me. He loves me. He really loves me and even as I break down and it hurts, he provides and makes all things work together for his good.

I was visibly broken in front of a whole team of 110 high schoolers from Houston, Texas. They were able to see me weak and vulnerable - I was visibly broken. But in that weakness, Christ powers rested on me and his presence stayed with me and he made me strong.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

The beauty in this - is that the story isn't over. The story continues and the reminder of his presence overwhelms me. I have this testimony of his grace and faithfulness that reminds me, even when I am weak I am strong in him. I have done nothing to deserve his love. I am not worthy of it. I have done nothing to be able to earn his forgiveness or mercy. But he looks at me in the middle of court room - when I have debts to pay and says the same thing as the doctor did in New Orleans, "You are good." And let's me off because of his great love and relentless mercy and I am left forever changed. 

Don't you know - that is how he loves us. You are good. You are forgiven. Your debt has been paid in full. Live in it and walk.