What we can learn from Haman?

Haman was not okay with Mordecai being honored. In fact, he was so uncomfortable with it that he devised a plan to kill all of the Jews.  

The fact was that Haman was so upset for how Mordecai wouldn’t bow to him, which caused him to act irrationally by plotting to kill millions of people -- This probably seems extremely absurd for many of us. Why go to such drastic measures? Why not just "dust your shoulders off" and keep moving? 

But the problem was -- Haman’s pride. He could not stand someone not bowing down to him. 

This was Haman’s mindset: Esther 6:6 "“Who is there that the king would rather honor than me?”

Haman things to himself “who is greater than me? Surely, there is no one.” We cannot say - that Haman lacked confidence. For it appears he was very confident in his own capabilities, glory and recognition due to him. It was when these things were THREATENED that he appeared to show his weakness. How does he respond when Mordecai receives honor?

Esther 6:12 "But Haman rushed home, with his head covered in grief" 

Most people would potentially look at these passages and say, “Wow that Haman guy he was wrong.” And never see how the very actions and responses he had are very typical to our sinful nature.

I mean – don’t most people like recognition? Don’t most people feel good when they are ‘thanked’ or appreciated for things that they have done. We would be liars to say those comments or actions mean nothing. We love them. We are just like Haman in that. We believe we deserve recognition for actions and if we don’t get it we often hang our head in grief. We may look at someone else who receives the honor we believe we deserve and think, “why them?” We may spend hours of our day comparing ourselves to others and desiring for someone somewhere to recognize us – for who we are.

We may not result in drastic actions of killing someone. We may not devise a plan for the demise of a group of people. Praise God if we never get to that point of evil in the human mind. But we are just as sinful as Haman. We are no greater than his sinful nature. We are just as rotten.

Yet – Isn’t it funny that the one thing many of us desire to receive God freely gives? We desire to receive recognition, praise, honor or acceptance. We search long and hard for the people of this life who will offer those things to us. We look around for it everywhere and then we become downcast and mournful when we can’t find it. Yet --- There is a God who sent his son to die on behalf of our sinful ways. He gave up the thing he loved that was essentially a part of his being so that we could have a relationship with him.

We easily forget this – we become selfish like Haman and want more. We say, “it’s not enough that Jesus died for me – I want the world to accept and recognize me for who I am.” We ignore the fact that not only did Jesus die for us but God created us.

Psalm 8:4-5

“What is mankind that you are mindful of them?

Human beings that you care for them?

You have made them a little lower than the angels

and crowned them with glory and honor.”

God made us. God gave us glory. We were crowned a little lower than heavenly beings. We were created in his image.

How can we desire the world’s recognition enough when all of these things whisper:

You are precious.

You are recognized.

You are redeemed

You are appreciated.

You are mine.

&

You are worth it.

Seasons

There are times when it is hard to see that it is a “season.” It is hard to think, “this thing will pass away. It will get better” when little things keep happening. You look through the stacks of worries and concerns you have and you wonder -- how is this getting any smaller? 

There’s a million of questions, concerns, and fears that I am holding based on my current life situation. It is not easy to be a MSW Intern with an agency that you are passionate for, with a supervisor that reminds you of Miranda Priestly (Devil Wears Prada). 

It is not easy to question if you’ve made the right decision and to practice walking on eggshells. You mess up. You get hurt. You think you are serving people and you get yelled at. You get told not to cry because your tears could not even be comforted by tissues. You are told to hold all your emotions in -- because that’s what a good MSW does right? You have to keep your cool. You don’t want your client (or anyone) for that matter to see you are weak. You don’t want to be human. You are superman. 

Yet for me, when I sit alone in quiet place then the tears come. I am overwhelmed. My heart is not strong enough to deal with all the things. I am not strong enough to deal with all the things. I become anxious. I anticipate the next day I will Intern and how much potential terror will come. I will look for good indicators of things being positive such as my supervisor saying, “how are you” or “have a good weekend.” I hear these things and I want to think see -- she is nice. I am silly to feel the hurt I’ve felt. I am silly to cry about this. Stop it Gaby, stop being so dumb. She is nice. Stop being so sensitive.

These thoughts race through my head in a couple minutes and I teach myself how to ignore my emotions and calm myself down. I’ve apparently became a master of denial. I put on my smiley face and continue on. I don’t expect the next storm because I have never even dealt with the last one. 

The question that comes to me now in this moment, in the midst of all my current anxiety, fears and tears is: Where is my hope?

Where is my hope? Oh my soul. Where are you? 
Is my hope in Man or God?

If it is in man, I will always be disappointed because the earth isn’t my home. I am not welcomed here and I am probably not liked here. 

If it is in God, I will always be comforted. I will find peace in the form of rainbows after storms and shelter. I will find peace (in time) from the joy of knowing this earth is not my home. I am not the sum of how others make me feel -- but I am loved by a creator who loved me enough to challenge me. I am loved despite my actions, failures, selfishness, and stupidity. I am loved simply because I am his creation. He delights in knowing me. He will provide me with all the tissues and shoulders to cry on. He will comfort me always, consistently, every time with his love. IT WILL always be more than enough.

I am not the sum of everything that people make me feel. I am not the sum of how my past has made me feel. I am not the sum of how a supervisor makes me feel. I am more than my failures. I am loved by my creator. 


You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. 

Song of Solomon 4:7

Jesus overcome me.

"If I believe your name can save - then I will trust in what you promise. If you can overcome the grave - then you will overcome me. 

Jesus overcome me. Loosen my chains."

If I can believe that God is able to heal the brokenhearted, orphans, widows, sick, blind, prostitutes, and addicts. I must be able to believe he can change me. He can heal me of any pain whether present or previous. 

I know in order for him to be able to change me and heal me -- I must open myself up and allow him to heal me. I must be able to be open and trust that he can heal me. I must not hide or put on a mask in order to remain a hypocrite but I must come before him as the broken, selfish and terrible person I am and allow him to see that. 

The beauty of his restoration is that he can see us in our worst moments. He can see us when we are feeling the deepest feelings of loneliness and despair. He can see these things and all he see is his beloved. 

"Daughter, dry your tears. Your father is home. I am not going anywhere. If you feel you need to cry I will let you. But trust me- this is not the end." 

My soul ought to boast of Christ because in every ounce of despair and weakness he is with me. He is in all these things no matter how painful. 

Encouraging Words

Gaby has been a wonderful student to have in class.  She is very responsible, showing a high degree of professionalism in her communication with the instructor, and was diligent about getting her work done early or on time.  Gaby is clearly thoughtful, and asks important questions.  As well, she is intuitive and offers important insights about practice and client interventions.  Gaby has a particular interest in understanding cultural differences, and because of this, has exhibited openness to learning and understanding more about herself, in order to work effectively with a wide range of people.  She has expressed a desire to serve underprivileged and marginalized people, and will have an opportunity to do so in her field placement at an agency working with a refugee population.  She also exhibited this commitment by going to South America during the semester to serve and learn.  Gaby will benefit from gaining confidence and advocacy skills, which will come from continuing to work in the field.  She brings a sensitivity and intuition to the field of Social Work, which will benefit those whom she serves.

Professor at USC 

Good News about Injustice

Unconditional Love

Our society promotes a love that is based on conditions. I will be good to you if you are good to me. I will love you if you love you. I will stay with you if you prove you are worth staying with.

This is conditional. 

This is love based on conduct. 

Women are taught this to the extreme. You have to dress the right way, have a nice body and please your husband -- or else he will stray from you. You have to be good at sex and learn how to satisfy him. You must put him above you and everything else in your life. You are the lesser person so you must submit yourself to his needs. You must neglect your own needs because if you don't -- there's a threat he will leave you. 

Isn't this the message the world teaches? A love and marriage based on conduct and conditions. A conditional love that's hard on having to do the "right" things to be loved. 

This world also recognize that at times men cheat. There's articles on that too. 

"10 Ways to Keep Your Man from Cheating" 

This idea focuses on teaching women that somehow because your man cheats on you ---> it's your fault. 

Because she wasn't sexual enough, experimental enough, caring enough,... etc fill in the blank. 

We are taught in our society to believe that we are only worth a man's acceptance. 

How can we possible comprehend or understand a love that is not conditional? How can we learn ourselves to love in such a way?

Unconditional 

Absolute; it'll happen no matter what else happens. 

How do we know how to do that --- if the only love we are shown is based on conditions? How can we learn to accept such a love - if we have been taught we must be good to be loved? 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

There is no way to seperate ourselves from the love of Christ. It is unconditional. 

Exodus

There's something that's so interesting when you see a powerful leader weakened.

Exodus tells the great story of how God used a baby in a basket to be saved in a river and ultimately used for his glory. But let us not forget about what happens before -- Pharaoh feels threaten. 

The first chapter of Exodus does not actually say that the Israelites were "powerful" but it says they were numerous. They were multiplying. Pharaoh felt threatened by these people just based on the vas number of people. So because Pharaoh was afraid they would take over -- he oppressed them. 

This kinda gives a new perspective for modern day oppression doesn't it? What if the weakest people were oppressed just because they were feared? What if women were oppressed because they were actually powerful? What if children were oppressed because of their innocence? What if leaders actually just felt afraid and weren't powerful at all?

Pharaoh subjected the Israelites to slave labor. He felt powerful by seeking them physically broken and exhausted. In verse 14, Exodus says "They made their lives bitter with hard labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of works in the fields; in all their hard labor the Egyptians used them ruthlessly." 

It kinda reminds me of this story & example of children in India: 

http://thecnnfreedomproject.blogs.cnn.com/2013/03/20/toddlers-freed-from-brick-kiln-bondage/

The beauty about Exodus is that it doesn't end in Chapter one. It continues onward & it tells the tale of a ruler used by The Lord to save the people he loves. 

The ending is the same for every ounce of oppression that occurs in our lives today. The story doesn't end with a powerful leader being afraid of the weak. The story ends with the greatest leader of all time bringing justice for his people and redeeming them through grace, mercy and love. 

That's the king I want to follow. 

Films

I love culture & because of that I hope to watch these one day:

• Native American Culture: Smoke Signals, Powwow Highway, Where the Spirit Lives
• African American Culture: The Long Walk Home, Do the Right Thing, Mississippi Burning
• Chinese American Culture: The Joy Luck Club, A Great Wall, Thousand Pieces of Gold
• Mexican American Culture: Real Women Have Curves, El Norte, Bread and Roses
• Irish American Culture: Far and Away, In America, This is My Father
• Muslim American Culture: House of Sand and Fog, Monsieur Ibrahim
• Gay Culture: The Wedding Banquet, Brokeback Mountain, The Laramie Project
• Deaf Culture: Children of a Lesser God, Mr. Holland’s Opus

Lovely

I am reminded that God passionately love his children and his people. I am reminded that he loves his people -- even when they don't seek him. Malachi 3 states that God sees his people and claims them. He says, "They will be mine." (V.17)

I think the same is true for how The Lord looks at us even when we are disobedient. He claims us as his beloved and loves us endlessly. He is not faltering in that because he is not a God that will ever change. He is consistent in his promise to love us. 

I hear his whisper saying:

"You are mine. You are my treasured possession. I find no flaw in you,"

Song of Solomon 4:7

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you" 

What greater joy do we have to live in. The way we view ourselves is not even close to how The Lord, our Father and creator views us. We can rest assured that in his sight we aren't broken -- but lovely. 

Transcultural Spirituality

"A transcultural spiritual perspective would embrace diversity and commonality. Transcultural spirituality goes to the heart or center of what it is to be a human being. When we "center" ourselves, we come to a clear awareness of who we are most deeply and fundamentally, before and beyond cultural constructions, social roles, and personal idiosyncracies. We discover that our own true nature involves a common-heartedness with all others. We realize that all people are on a spiritual search for meaning. In keeping with the value of mutual benefit, we realize that we all need to support each other on this quest. When our disagreements and differences about truth encounter each other in a respectful way, we can all embrace each other."

 - Canda (1998b, p. 101)

Even in this - He is still good.

So Stephen believed in God and the resurrection of Jesus Christ -- he spoke boldly about this & wasn't afraid of what he stood on trial for. He went into it fully knowing it may cost him his life. 

And so it did. 

Yet afterwards -- how does Saul respond? He just killed a big advocate of Christ. Yet his response (Acts 8:3) seems that he feels threatened.

Acts 8:3 "But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off men and women and put them in prison." 

 It's not enough that he stoned a innocent man to death. He must kill more. 

Yet -- why didn't Saul feel victorious from killing Stephen? Why did he still feel threatened? 

Those he attacks respond in a way that's still not understandable. Instead of them cowering away in their fear -- they continue to preach. Saul at this point should feel confused right? I knock them down but they get back.  I try to shut them up but they still talk. Is there anything that can stop them?

Why?

Wouldn't this cause you to question the God those people believe in? Is he really holy? Is be really good? Is he really worth it?

Our struggle with hardship is ultimately a reflection of our faith in the God who brings the hardship and our ability to say:

"Even though I go through this _____

He is still good."

Our lives should be lived in such a way that people are confused for our ability to have faith. The enemy can knock us down but also be perplexed at our ability to get back up and say, "You can't stop me. My God is worth it and even in this -- I will continue to praise him." 

The Lord will Fight for you, Will you?

I have the opportunity to leave.

I have the chance to decide that this is "too much." Realistically many people would support and understand that decision. I wouldn't be blamed for making it. I wouldn't make anyone angry to say that something was just too hard for me.

But -- this isn't how I feel.

I feel knowingly all too much the pain of staying here. I know that there's potential I could be hurt continuously. Tomorrow, Sunday, Friday or Saturday. It could happen. I could be in pain and I could end up having to cry, a lot. 

There have been many times I have prayed to God the same prayer. I have prayed my life would visibly reflect his love. I prayed that I could care for people in the way he's cared for me. I prayed that I would ultimately through love and service shine light into dark places and make his name known. I have desired to live for his kingdom and not my own. I have gone into dark places. I have endured hard things. Yet with his strengthen -- I have endured it. I have trusted in his promises and sought refuge in his unfailing love.

Jeremiah 32:27
I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?

Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

So -- If I know this. Then I think, "How can I walk away? How can I say that anything or anyone is too much to deal with?" Those thoughts are not of Christ. They don't reflect the kingdom or his ability to love us in every aspect of our life despite all our brokenness. They are purely from a heart that is selfish and says, "I deserve better" although Christ died on the cross for me because I am a sinner in need of a savior. Who am I to say I need something greater? 

So I think instead, "I have a choice here: I can choose to love myself or I can choose to serve God." I can choose to, with Christ see redemption and restoration of a child of God back to himself. I can choose to work alongside this person and endure the hardships with them. I can recognize that I will be hurt in the process and I may not ever like that. But I can trust that God is bigger then my own pain. I can trust that Christ will be exemplified in this. I can trust and be joyful as redemption and healing occur because I know they will. I can trust that things are hard but nothing is too hard for God.

I have never questioned this choice. I have never had a doubt. I have never thought to leave even if I had a chance too. I will stay. I will fight for you. I will fight on behalf of what I believe is good, true, and wonderful about us together. 

I will long to serve you by directing you to Christ. I will seek to with Christ care for you in the way he cares for you. I will always try to speak truth into your life and honor you in every aspect of my capability. I pray I will remind you of Christ. I pray I will love you like Christ which means never making you feel crummy, unlovable, unforgivable or broken. 

Even when you don't think you are -- God thinks you are beautiful. You are his treasure to be adored and cherished.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. You are stronger then the devil because the spirit lives in you & Jesus cares for you. You will not be cast away because of sin but redemption will occur and you will be able to watch how God will continue to rebuild you into a fortress that will bring him the upmost glory. 

The Lord will fight for you -- will you fight for others?

The Shame of a Father

Take a look at : Sandy Hook Gunman’s Father Says He Wishes His Son Had Never Been Born

The deep tragedy of Sandy Hook is obvious. The sin and the evil that occurred that day was something I mourned for. I remember sitting in a Starbucks in NYC and watching the news. I was deeply saddened to think of these children and the millions of people affected by such a tragedy.

The gunman's father speaks out and says, "I wish my son had never been born." I am not sure how to respond to this. I don't think I should feel proud for him to say such a thing. I just feel deeply saddened. His own father wishes he was never born. Can you imagine how much that would hurt to realize?

I have the contrasting emotions of deep sadness at such words and then deep gratitude when I am reminded by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. My father -- saw me in my sin. He saw everything I had done and everything I would do -- but loved me.

He took the sin and all the evil ways I had killed and murdered people cruelly in my heart and he laid it upon his beloved Son. He sent his beloved Son to die for the sake of his love for me. He saw all the terrible things I had done -- and he never regretted creating me. But he pursued me and loved me.

Now that's the truth of a Father's love -- that something that this world will never understand when the love of a Father to a son can be seen as something regrettable. That is not the love of our King.

My Blessing

My blessing is this. I know a God who gives hope to the hopeless. I know a God who loves the unlovable. I know a God who comforts the sorrowful. And I know a God who has planted this same power within me. Within all of us.

And for this blessing, may our response always be,

"Use me."

[The One Thing Christians Should Stop Saying]

In all things -- in the fact that I am a sinner and often do many things to hinder my relationship with God. In the fact, I am sinful and selfish. In the fact, that I am potential broken in so many ways I am not aware of. In the fact, that I will continue to realize my own brokenness.

I can rejoice in knowing Christ. I can rejoice in knowing he is constant in every problem area of my life. He is steady. He loves me relentlessly. 

I am blessed.

You are worthy

Isaiah 6: tells the story of Isaiah's commissioning by the Lord.

This happens after King Uzziah died after reigning for 52 years. Isaiah begins to recognize that the throne of David is now empty. The overwhelming nature of knowing that Isaiah was possibly going to be placed in the space that once was held by such a victorious king overwhelms him. Isaiah begins to question what the Lord is doing. He questions his own abilities and inadequacies.

Isaiah calls out to God of these shortcomings in verse 5 saying: "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I love among people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty."

This is the same question that many powerful leaders whom God has appointed have gone through. Questioning themselves and how can God possible use them. They recognize the lies of their failures and the corruption of their own sin. This causes them and us - to feel deep inadequacy when standing before the presence of the almighty God.

Yet what does God say about us:

"You are worthy."

Despite all the lies that we believe about ourselves to be true - the things that we hide from others or the same we feel. God knows all these things. He created all these things and is not surprised. He looks at us and says "you are worthy." I believe in you. I have faith in you. I am preparing you for a purpose. You may feel inadequate. You may feel unqualified for what I am going to use you for. But I know you -- and I know you are qualified. 

Who are we to question our Creator? 

After Isaiah realizes their is perfect atonement for his sins by being touched by a seraph (v. 6-7) his response changes. He becomes willing to move wherever God desires to send him. He forgets about his  failures or shortcomings. He steps out and has faith that God is who God says he is and because of that he can take a step and walk fully trusting in the character of who God is. God has declared him worthy and forgive and because of that Isaiah responds passionately.

And I said, "Here I am! Send me."

I believe Jesus is seeking for us to really understand that we have been atoned for our sins. The things that we have done wrong that we are ashamed of will not keep us from God's purpose for our lives. We must understand that we are truly forgiven and because we are truly forgiven we have the ability to be used by God how he desires to use us. We are able to overcome the pits of hell that sin created and walk faithfully into righteousness at our Father's side. The world will continue to tell us we are unworthy but the perfect act of the death of a righteous man on a cross shows our lives are worth much more. We are loved and forgiven.

Isaiah 7:9

If you do not stand firm in your faith, 

you will not stand at all.

Ephesians 6:13-18

"Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out." 

(Ephesians 6:13-18 The Message)

I know that I can trust you.

I am overwhelmed by two extremes.

I can't fathom the extreme goodness of God.
I can't comprehend the pure evil of our world.

There is victory here right? There is victory in knowing the battle is already won. There is suppose to be hope here. There is suppose to be the knowledge that we are living for something greater and that God is with us. Yet when you meet children who have been physically abused their whole life, children who desire suicide, or the threatened violence to others and yourself. I think you begin to question how purely evil the evil in our world is. I can't understand it. I can't comprehend the thoughts of so many and consistently I feel like I am failing.

There needs to be goodness here. There needs to be something to hold onto to be able to make it out of such deep darkness and pain. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I know I see it. I know I have seen it. Yet so many are being crippled by their fears. Satan is alive and well. He is alive and fighting. He is bringing people down from Skyway bridge into the depths of his evil.

The desire to end it all is real. I have seen people. I have heard personal stories and I am aware of this. I am crippled by recognizing the complete brokenness of our world. I am ready to go home now. I am ready for Jesus to come back now. I am ready for people to stop living this way and recognize the beauty and hope that comes from the love of a Father who loves you. He loves you. He will never say one bad thing about you. He will never pick on you. He will never bully you. He will never cheat on you. He will never leave you. I desire for people to know this. I desire to be a spokesmen in the pits of hell to tell people to turn back to the Savior of the world who created them, knows them by name, and loves them.

Eve's Poem

Underground Church

Breathing in the Storm.

In the midst of heartache, there is a lie. The lie states that Satan is in fact winning. This is something that Christians and Non-christians alike in different aspects have come to believing. We become overwhelmed by the weight of all thats negative in the world and our response becomes pure despair. We believe the lie that Satan is in fact winning the battle - and then believe the lie that because of this we are alone. 

This truth that we hold onto in the depths of who we are is ignored, not acknowledged or helped by many others in our communities. We live in a selfish success driven society where our lives are orientated around what we can do for ourselves. We forget that people have needs. And most of us, simply don't care to help others because we simply don't care about others.

But I don't believe this is how we are suppose to live. In the midst of storms -- there is one absolute truth that we should actually be believing:

Hebrews 12:2

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,

who for the joy set before him endured the cross, 

scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition form sinful men,

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

This is the truth that many of us forget. We focus too much on the problems of our own lives instead of the creator of our own lives. We listen to the lies that tell us that we are alone - and we believe it. We forget that God's already won this battle. We forget in the resurrection of Jesus. We carry around the brokenness of our past and never experience true healing that Jesus offers to us. 

We live in a society that teaches us we can fix everything we want to on our own. By ourselves - period. This contributes to our view of God. In hard times instead of believing he is with him  -- we feel abandoned and betrayed.  I know this because I have felt this before. We search for things to fill the void that only God was meant to fill. We believe that if we are in a relationship, married, have children, get a good job, a nice house, or a new car then we will be filled. This is what our society teaches us so this is what we believe. We don't question it. We just long for it because we are empty inside and feel there is nothing else for us besides those things. I know this because countless Christians feel this way but refuse to talk about it.

I hope that we can realize one day that we are not alone. Our God is bigger then the enemies lies. Our lives are bigger then relationships, families or paychecks. Our lives are meant for more then to feel meaningless, empty or inadequate. If those are anything of how we are feeling then we are not fully understanding the grace and love God's poured out to us. If we are able to really understand his love we would be relentless in pursuit of all things that would bring him glory. 

"We breathe in the grace and mercy of our God 

and we breathe out the thanks and praise of our King. 

And nobody can stop us from breathing in the storm." 

- Louie Giglio